**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
