i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
