You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
