So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
