I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
