look no pants
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
