Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just found puke in my bra..
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
