pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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