I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
