Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
