I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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