Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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