When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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