I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
