I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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