You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
