I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
