Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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