Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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