Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
