the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
