Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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