Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I stole a fireplace last night.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
