Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
