YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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