Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
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In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
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We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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