yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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