Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Did I show you my penis last night?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
