I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
