Dude my mom stole all your condoms
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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