i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
