Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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