I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
