the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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