Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
