New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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