I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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