i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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