I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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