Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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