what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
