are you still at the devil's house?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
