i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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