Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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