please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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