can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
