So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
