I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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