Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You may now shotgun with the bride
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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