bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
