You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
