i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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