porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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