he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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