I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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