Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
this beer tastes like vomit already
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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