carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
