Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
