i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
