True but thats because hes a fetus.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
