It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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