i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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