New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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