Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
