wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
The feeling are messing with the penis
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
