The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
