and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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