she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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