Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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