New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
i now understand why vodka
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
