Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize