You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
