my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
