Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
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I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Even my vagina gasped.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
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Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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