he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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