I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
